More Telephone Madness

Just a quick one.

On two separate occasions my brother phones up to speak to me. Unfortunately, M-I-L answers the phone.

CALL No 1
He says "It's John, can I speak to Jesse" (names changed to protect the innocent).
She says "I'm sorry, there's no John here"
He says "I know, this is John, I want to speak to Jesse"
She says "No, no, you must have the wrong number, there's no John here"
He says "I know, this is John"
She says "You want to speak to John?"
He hangs up in despair!

CALL No 2
He says "It's John, can I speak to Jesse"
She says "I'll get him for you, is that Fred"
He says "No, it's John"
She says "Hang on a minute Fred, I'll get him for you"
He says "It's not Fred, it's John"
She shouts up the stairs "Jesse, Fred's on the phone for you!"
I pick up the phone and say "Hi Fred!"
He says "I bloody told her, it's not Fred, it's John and I was on the point of hanging up on her again then"

Surely it's time to introduce some sort of telephone proficiency test for the over 70s.